Wedding Wonders

I get it now.

This past weekend, S and I attended a wedding of a friend of his near San Jose. It's hard to put into words how beautiful this wedding was. The traditional Persian ceremony was held under a canopy of redwood trees just in front of a small pond, and the reception was outdoors on a lawn surrounded with gardens and another pond. Nearby was a stylized two-floor cabin where the beautiful couple held the cocktail hour and where the guests congregated following dinner (which consisted of a three-table buffet that allowed guests to choose between middle eastern cuisine, seafood, and american fare) for dancing and cake cutting. Oh, and there was also a small train that guests to take to tour the grounds. The event was festive and even though I was merely a guest, I felt very included.

Now, I've been down the wedding path on my own once before, and one of the things I was always panicking about was how much everything cost. Unless you're planning on eloping, weddings are expensive. I remember working out the budget, then reworking it, then reworking it yet again to try and shave off dollars here and there, but I couldn't seem to get it under 30K. Now, part of that is because of where I lived, how many people I wanted to invite, etc. Swallowing that number was very hard. All I kept thinking was - this is one day? Just one day and I'm spending this kind of money? It seemed wasteful. After all, it could serve as a down payment for a house. And though, if I do one day begin that trip down the aisle again, I'm not setting out to spend that much in a day, as I said, I get it now.

It's not really just one day. It's not like you went to the mall on Sunday and dropped 30K on a new wardrobe. This is a day that hopefully you will remember as one of the best days of your life. And, if done right, your guests will also pleasantly remember it for the rest of their lives. I remember my Aunt's wedding. I was the flower girl and they let me sit in the back of the limo and pour them champagne as it took them from the ceremony to their pool party reception where they tossed my mom in the pool, clothes and all. And I remember being a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. Having fun the night before, dancing my heart out, and telling her a joke in the bathroom to calm the beautiful bride's nerves. The day should be done right - it's one shot, and you don't want to look back and think, oh I wish I had done this or that - if at all possible, you should get it right the first time.

That brings me to my second wonder.

On the way back from lunch today, I saw a license plate that read "Ms. Joye." Was this her last name? Was this her husband or wife's last name with a Ms. tacked on in front? Hmm. It made me think. I've never planned on taking someone else's name. I like my own, professionally, it makes sense, and I don't agree with the concept of the woman always taking the man's name and giving up her own. I know plenty of people who have done it, it's just not for me. Except that what if I ended up meeting someone with a name I liked ::gasp:: better than my own? Hmm indeed. Would I just add theirs onto mine and go by both? Or just keep mine and accept that I was going to be called "Mrs (growl) so and so" no matter what I did? Or, alternatively, what if they had their mother's maiden name as their last name? Would it be more feminist of me to take their last name in that case as mine had been passed down along a paternal line? I don't really have an answer to this at the moment, nor is it really an issue at the present time anyway. But for now, I think I'll continue to stick with "Ms. [my last name here]."